Let it Be
Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash
What can do you do when all those things that you can’t control overwhelm you?
Recently the news was awash with stories about an immense cargo ship stuck in the Suez Canal. The forecasts included everything from building a second canal to an upcoming toilet paper shortage. I can control (no pun intended) the toilet paper part of this catastrophe and buy some more toilet paper, as long as I want to fight with those shoppers who have also panicked, perhaps without reason. The rest of this I can’t control. And the increasingly bizarre options and ideas create more anxiety for me, so I decided not to watch the ongoing news coverage nor go down the rabbit hole of an online search. The entire incident is entirely out of my control.
And now, a second vaccine has a very small chance of causing catastrophic blood clots. Again the news and the opinion rabbit hole are tempting to enter. I’ve had my first vaccine, and I’ve decided to take whatever vaccine is offered to me in the next few months, based on the recommendations of highly trained medical professionals. I’m ‘checked out’ on following the news and reading ill-informed opinions on this issue.
On a more personal note, when I think of what I can control--and what I can’t--there’s always a pros and cons list. I do love lists. I can control how I feel about colleagues who are always late to Zoom calls, and don’t get their work done on time. I can’t control the workload of a long-term client who has an upcoming project for me, but hasn’t yet moved it to my desk. In both cases, I can limit the impact by clarifying why and what I feel.
We have no idea of all the reasons for the behaviours of others. One of my clients wants to work on some organizational change, but her organization is front and centre in a complex social issue, and the day-to-day operations are taking all of her teams’ time - she doesn’t have any freeboard. I don’t need to call and ask when we can start, I need to understand and be empathetic.
Is the delay about me? Should I feel annoyed, worried, or worse under-valued? No, I shouldn’t. Self-awareness is vital in managing my feelings and in assessing what I can control. If I know what tends to aggravate me or trigger strong feelings, then I can better manage my emotions.
My work with clients requires that they have time and energy to consider and weigh options. They can’t do that if their focus needs to be entirely on their daily operations, or the current crisis. They need to create time to think and act strategically. I may ask questions to assess their readiness and stay in touch, but the decision to proceed is theirs.
Realizing what’s out of my control requires self-awareness, understanding, empathy, good listening skills, and above all, patience. If the situation is outside of your control, in the words of The Beatles, let it be.